ere we go, the letter I NEVER wanted to come. President, there are so many things that have been buzzing around my mind for the last few days but I have found there are two motifs. Love and gratitude. Still trying to do the whole pretend this isn't real type thing (not a big fan of change), my mind can't believe this is happening but it seems like my heart does because I pretty much always have a knot in my throat no matter what I am doing or thinking about but thus far I have been doing a pretty good job at just letting a few tears slip out anymore than that I think I would just lose it. I get frustrated that it's so hard but deep down I know that I wouldn't want it any other way. To be honest, I guess I'm glad this is so difficult because it means that I really have been able to give a part of my heart to these people. Just like my dad said on our ride to the airport, there would be people that at that point I didn't even know existed that I would end up loving like family. Those words couldn't be truer. I have felt the love of God for the people in Valencia, Barcelona, and Sabadell tan fuerte que nunca jamás podré negar que tengo un Padre Celestial. But I'll leave the sentimental stuff until a little later on, I can't make this whole last email like an obituary.
First off: to those of you that have seen my Zumba video on facebook I can explain. So I think I have told you that one of the ways we have been able to get a lot of investigators and less actives fellowshipped by the members and into the capilla is a weekly activity that we do on Saturdays, Zumba. It's not really zumba because obviously we keep it clean, it's more like aerobics with music. It's been a great thing and we have seen baptisms and re activations by breaking the ice with this activity. Not to mention the bishop's wife and a couple of recently reactivated members teach the dances so it's been super great. Anyway, there are a few dances that the instructors have taught in the past but have a hard time remembering so they asked me to do them so they could record and review them, and Dubi (a YSA in my ward) loves Clap Your Hands so she hopped in, had someone record it, and put in on facebook (which I JUST found out about, SO EMBARRASSING)
Second off:....actually that's the only non sentimental thing I really had to say. Nothing is really on my mind lately except for how much I have loved my mission, how much I love these people, and how sad I am to leave. I know it's time and I'm sure as soon as I get on (or maybe off) the plane the excitement will hit on but right now it's a little hard. I feel SOOO blessed to have been able to live a year and a half of my life here in Spain. Everyone here and at home knows how badly I don't want to leave my mission, I have been praying a lot to have peace of mind about it. The other day I was reading a talk by Elder Edward Dube and he said we are to look forward and not back, he then quoted an apostle and said "the past is to be learned from but not lived in" I have learned so much from this past year and a half and I have finally decided that this anxious feeling about ending this great journey is God's way of telling me that He still needs me as a missionary, maybe not with a chapa but as a member. I've come to realize that the mission isn't this great thing that we prepare our whole lives to do and then once the sacrifice is over we just sit back and reap the benefits, but rather it is a preparation. It is so that we, as the youth and future of the church, can receive and strengthen our testimonies, deepen our conversation, and learn how to share the gospel and teach others so that we, for the rest of our lives and in the spirit world can help our brothers and sisters feel the love and peace we feel.
Nos vemos! Os quiero!
Hermana Tuttle
P.S. I'd send pictures but Dubi puts pretty much everything on facebook so I'm not worried about you forgetting what I look like :)
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