The Last One

Dear family and friends,

ere we go, the letter I NEVER wanted to come. President, there are so many things that have been buzzing around my mind for the last few days but I have found there are two motifs. Love and gratitude. Still trying to do the whole pretend this isn't real type thing (not a big fan of change), my mind can't believe this is happening but it seems like my heart does because I pretty much always have a knot in my throat no matter what I am doing or thinking about but thus far I have been doing a pretty good job at just letting a few tears slip out anymore than that I think I would just lose it. I get frustrated that it's so hard but deep down I know that I wouldn't want it any other way. To be honest, I guess I'm glad this is so difficult because it means that I really have been able to give a part of my heart to these people. Just like my dad said on our ride to the airport, there would be people that at that point I didn't even know existed that I would end up loving like family. Those words couldn't be truer. I have felt the love of God for the people in Valencia, Barcelona, and Sabadell tan fuerte que nunca jamás podré negar que tengo un Padre Celestial. But I'll leave the sentimental stuff until a little later on, I can't make this whole last email like an obituary.

First off: to those of you that have seen my Zumba video on facebook I can explain. So I think I have told you that one of the ways we have been able to get a lot of investigators and less actives fellowshipped by the members and into the capilla is a weekly activity that we do on Saturdays, Zumba. It's not really zumba because obviously we keep it clean, it's more like aerobics with music. It's been a great thing and we have seen baptisms and re activations by breaking the ice with this activity. Not to mention the bishop's wife and a couple of recently reactivated members teach the dances so it's been super great. Anyway, there are a few dances that the instructors have taught in the past but have a hard time remembering so they asked me to do them so they could record and review them, and Dubi (a YSA in my ward) loves Clap Your Hands so she hopped in, had someone record it, and put in on facebook (which I JUST found out about, SO EMBARRASSING)

Second off:....actually that's the only non sentimental thing I really had to say. Nothing is really on my mind lately except for how much I have loved my mission, how much I love these people, and how sad I am to leave. I know it's time and I'm sure as soon as I get on (or maybe off) the plane the excitement will hit on but right now it's a little hard. I feel SOOO blessed to have been able to live a year and a half of my life here in Spain. Everyone here and at home knows how badly I don't want to leave my mission, I have been praying a lot to have peace of mind about it. The other day I was reading a talk by Elder Edward Dube and he said we are to look forward and not back, he then quoted an apostle and said "the past is to be learned from but not lived in" I have learned so much from this past year and a half and I have finally decided that this anxious feeling about ending this great journey is God's way of telling me that He still needs me as a missionary, maybe not with a chapa but as a member. I've come to realize that the mission isn't this great thing that we prepare our whole lives to do and then once the sacrifice is over we just sit back and reap the benefits, but rather it is a preparation. It is so that  we, as the youth and future of the church, can receive and strengthen our testimonies, deepen our conversation, and learn how to share the gospel and teach others so that we, for the rest of our lives and in the spirit world can help our brothers and sisters feel the love and peace we feel.

Nos vemos! Os quiero!

Hermana Tuttle

P.S. I'd send pictures but Dubi puts pretty much everything on facebook so I'm not worried about you forgetting what I look like :)

... freaking out ... nbd

...I'm freaking out....moving on....

Dear everyone,

So this week has been great. As I told you I got a new companion and she is the greatest. The three of us are having an absolute blast! The other day we made peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, ravioli, and chocolate milk it was our "going back to elementary school days." On Saturday after zumba we had just mopped the church and were waiting for it to dry so we could put down the chairs and in our attempt to make it dry faster (and to have a little fun) we had a sliding war. We are working so hard and seeing more miracles than we can say but we are also having a blast. I've learned that if you aren't having fun as a missionary (obviously within the limits of obedience) you aren't serving to your greatest potential. I look back on this time (and forward to the time I still have, I'm not dead) and this really is the greatest year and a half. I've had the best companions and the streak continues with Hermana Masters.

A couple of miracles: This week an Elder called telling me that a woman had called them asking for me, he gave me her number but didn't know her name. When I called the number it was Yuli!!!! My recent convert/ MIRACLE baptism from december. She called saying that she was in Sabadell Nord and that she didn't know how to get to the church (I think she thinks I live at the church) luckily our visit had just fired so we went to pick her up. It was AMAZING to see her again. She said she thought I was ending in July so 20 days ago she came down from France and all she knew was that I was in Sabadell so she walked from the Sabadell South station to the Sabadell Center station asking everyone if they knew where the mormon chapel was. (we live in Sabadell Nord and the chapel is even further north). She walked around from 8 am to 2 pm and never found out anything so she headed back to France absolutely heartbroken she said. Then she somehow got the elders phone number and we found each other. She just bawled. It was a beautiful moment. I got to share a message with her and she said the prayer she cried and just thanked God that she finally found me before I left. She came all the way down from France to see me and wow was that a humbling experience. I'm so grateful I got to be a part of her life for that short time, an instrument in His hands.

Another miracle but I'm going to try to keep these last two short because I'm out of time

Harold and Jon Carlos: two investigators (14 and 17): we went over to visit them the other night and they had two friends over. Between the four of these teenagers there were 2 testigos, 1 atheist, and 1 muslim. In the back of my mind I thought, these teenagers are going to be so bugged we are here when they are obviously just counting down the minutes until we leave so they can watch the fútbol game so we said we would just share a quick message. We were wrapping it up but then I felt to ask if they had any questions they said no but then I felt to push it a little more and so I said that it could be about anything. They began to ask a bunch of questions about the Plan of Salvation so we taught it to them and they were so captivated. They had some questions about Joseph Smith so we told them we will come by another day and teach the Restoration to all 4 of them. Woot Woot!

Lastly: Saturday night we only had 7 member present lessons and 3 news. Our goals were 12 and 6 (respectively). All of our visits fired on us and all of the people who normally come with us were going to be busy Sunday but we knew we needed to splits if we wanted to get 5 lessons and 3 news in one day. Anyway, long story short we saw miracle after miracle. Joan Pau went with my companions and Karen came with me. Karen and I saw miracle after miracle as we talked with EVERYONE and passed by people. We had 5 lessons, found 3 news and found a member who was baptized in Chile about 20 years ago but left the church shortly after, we found another investigator who desperately needed our help and we sang Nearer My God to Thee to a blind woman and people all over the big park just stopped and looked at us. It was beautiful. The others had 3 lessons which means we not only met but exceeded our goals. It was beautiful.

I am happy, I'm finally getting over being sick, and the pinky toe I jammed in a door has finally stopped bleeding...soo....basically life rocks. I love you all!!!

Hermana Tuttle

Time's a Flyin

Dear friends and family,

AHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Jolin (pronounced Holeen) I can't believe how fast time is flying. As always I'm doing absolutely amazing! We are seeing miracle after miracle here, people are being prepared left and right and it just breaks my heart a little bit to think that I won't be able to see a lot of these people on their special day but so relieved to know that I am leaving this area so strong to two absolutely amazing missionaries. Which leads to me to the first bit of news:

Hermana Masters- For my final two weeks I will be in a trio with Hermana Ward and Hermana Masters. She is as sweet as they come. I probably sound like a broken record or that I need to expand my vocabulary because I use the same adjective with every companion but it's so true all of my companions are so sweet. She's from California, she's been in the mission 6 months, she is just leaving her first area Castellón (near Valencia) with none other than Herman Durham! Oh how I love all of my companions. You get so close to them and then it's so hard to say goodbye and to go so long without seeing them...new goal: go a whole email without saying "so," I am so American.

Okay so basically we are just teaching a bunch of amazing people! Harold who is the cutest little 8 year old gypsy, he has had a really rough life, he's never met his mom because she is a drug addict and just abandoned him when he was born three months premature and his dad has been in prison his whole life so he lives with his grandparents who are so sweet and so humble. We met him through another family we are teaching and then a few days later when we saw him and his mom on the street he introduced us to his mom and said "these are my new friends I was telling you about" the mom could not stop thanking us and told us that Harold loved the lesson and has told her he would like to be baptized.

Then there's Mireya who I talked about a few weeks ago, well we had another amazing lesson with her and she now has a baptismal date for the end of this month. When we started talking about life after death she began to cry, she has so many people dear to her that have passed away and I'm so grateful that we get to help her realize that the seperation is only temporary.

Another person: Rosi, I felt like I needed to contact her the other day, she was sitting on a bench and then last night we had a lesson with her (Joan Pau came with us) and it was perfect she wants to come to all of the activities and we have another visit with her today, she had all of the right questions and concerns and it was just perfect.

That leads me into my last thing I want to talk about that is: the miracle of Joan Pau. He coming on some visits with us and is absolutely amazing, he has such a a great perspective!!! He is even finding creative ways to introduce us to his friends like the other day he and his friend Noelia made us an authentic Catalán dinner. It was AMAZING! We then had a really good talk about family history work and that families can be together forever something really helpful for Joan Pau because his mom passed away from cancer several years ago. Then on Sunday, we sustained him in sacrament meeting to receive the Aaronic priesthood. I don't know what came over me but I turned around, saw him standing there with a white shirt and tie for the first time, faced forward again, and then his whole journey flashed through my mind and I just bawled!!!! I couldn't believe it! I never cry and I just bawled right there in sacrament meeting. I am turning into such a baby. President Pace was just looking at me with tears streaming down his face from the stand. It's been a beautiful journey with Joan Pau, if I have to end I'm glad I'm ending here.

I'm as sad and as happy as can be all at the same time.

Lo que el Señor me ha enseñado

Queridos Familia y amigos,

Here we go again, another email...weird. Does it seem like time is literally speeding up lately, crazy, but enough about that, onto more important things:

Joan Pau, he is great!!!! Everything is going really well, he is coming to all of the activities, he has had a meeting with the bishop about getting the Aaronic priesthood, he came to the baptism on Saturday just because he wanted to (it wasn't even for our ward), he goes out on visits with us and the elders and he's just basically amazing. The other day we went to his house and he invited one of his friends and we + a member who is just about to leave to his mission in Tampa Florida did kind of a family home evening, I taught them how to make pancakes, hermana ward made the syrup and then we had a spiritual thought, after that we headed out to the weekly activity the missionaries host at the church and Joan Pau's friend couldn't come but he invited his little sister Ana. He's a missionary already.

Anyone who knows me well knows I'm not one for "this is my last ____" I handle change just fine after I don't have a choice and the damage is done but the anticipation is the hardest for me so I try not to think about it...as my mom, who basically did all of my packing and preparation for the mission, can testify better than anyone. But there are a few "lasts" that I will allow myself to mention only because they are things that have truly changed my life and are things that I will forever cherish. Yesterday was my last leadership council meeting "concilio". It's been almost a year since I got called last August to be a sister training leader and I can't believe. I remember my first concilio, one hermana was going home and President asked her to share what the Lord had taught her. I remember wondering what I would say if at the end of my mission I was in that place. Since that day it has become a tradition so yesterday I, and several of my heroes in the mission who are going home this month, got to share Lo que El Señor me ha enseñado. Maybe in the future, in person, I'll go into more detail but to keep this from getting horrifically long I'll just share the key points of what I said yesterday: 1) To never underestimate today. You never know when one experience you have or one person you talk to today will change the rest of your mission/life, 2) To trust in the Lord because He trusts in us, he sends us to the people who does and to the places we are for a reason. Esther 4:14 3) Prayer, that God really does answer our prayers. That miracles happen everyday if we just have the faith and diligence to do our part. Everything works when we're working. and 4) the power of a testimony. Before my mission I was never able to say "I know," I believed of course but I wanted to be able to say like Brother Reed Beus and so many other heroes of mine: I know. That was one of my main reasons for coming out here. There are still things I'm learning and things that I don't quite understand but they'll come in time but I am grateful for the fact that thank you to my mission there are 4 things specifically that I can say I know. (I'll leave that to another week). I did pretty well at not crying until at the very end when President shared his testimony he said "I got a bunch of emails recently saying that a lot of you had hit your year mark (the huge group of 42 missionaries that came in last year)" he then stopped and looked down at the ground and then back up and with tears in his eyes he said "there are a missionaries who are well beyond a year"....and then the tears started coming. It took me the first two verses before I could finally sing the final hymn.

This mission thing is beautiful.

Hermana Tuttle

1) All of the new sister training leaders, I wish I had a picture of the group when I got called last year all of which are long gone. So many new faces, this mission has a very bright future. I am kneeling next to my first companion in the MTC. Hermana Bracken and the really tall blonde in the back is Hermana Benson who I will be coming home with. I love them both DEARLY!

2) Saying goodbye to "Elder Thorpe"

Joan Pau, Pilar, Vilafranca

Querido Mundo,

I'd love to give a nice little intro then tell you about a few of the miracles we had this week and then save the best for last but let's be real I am just WAY TOO EXCITED!!!! Yesterday I got to see my best friend be confirmed as a member of the church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Joan Pau, one of the sweetest people I have ever met who I have been working with since the day I got to Sabadell got baptized and confirmed this weekend. It was hard not to get emotional when he entered into the water all dressed in white as I got to witness so many prayers and fasts get answered. He had three siblings there and his dad came and then one of his sisters, his two kid brothers, and his dad came to the confirmation yesterday. Joan Pau asked me to bear my testimony and to say the closing prayer and afterwards his dad, who I had only met once before, came up to me, grabbed my hand and with such sincerity looked me in the eye and said "thank you for being such a good friend to my son." Coming from someone who before had no interest in his son taking our lessons it was a beautiful compliment and one I will remember for the rest of my life. Joan Pau came on his first lesson with an investigator last night and said he'd love to come with us to any lessons we have this whole week. He's going to be an amazing member!

Another miracle is a family of a less active member, Pilar, who we have taught several times but her children have always been at school. Now that the kids are on summer vacation she lets us teach them and as crazy as they are (they come from a VERY unstable family situation) they are so sweet when we are there. We have passed by them three times this week and yesterday as we sang I am a Child of God, they not only stopped yelling and listened but on the third verse they started to sing along and then they just kept begging to sing more. It was adorable. They all now have baptismal dates for the 9th of August (except for Rocio who is only 7). Another adorable moment was when Samuel (11) and Juan (9) started explained to Harold (8) their cousin who we met for the first time yesterday how to pray.

Last main highlight of the week: For my intercambio this week I went to Vilafranca. It was beautiful and I absolutely loved it. Our schedule was jam packed and I about died though from all of the running. I have never ran up and down hills so much in my life! That's what happens when you are in a town that has very infrequent train schedules. But it was great we had a wonderful lesson with a girl who also ended up getting baptized this weekend. She had to make so many sacrifices when she decided to be baptized but she just knew. Her testimony is so strong and it just gave me chills to hear how the Lord prepared her for this step.

As always, I am happy, I am loving my mission and just feel beyond blessed for all of the miracles I am seeing everyday. We had a really successful week this past week and we are pumped for another.

Lots of love and prayers,

Hermana Tuttle

Back to the long ones: Joan Pau, Intercambio, Mireya, and Tania's Mother

I am one happy missionary. I am in one of the most beautiful places in the world, I'm feeling good about the language, I feel like I know the ward pretty well, I know the area, and the greatest, I am hearing and seeing answers to my prayers every single day. I can truly say that I am a witness of miracles.

This Saturday is the baptism of Joan Pau! Can you believe it???? I am so excited and happy and grateful and everything! This area hasn't had a baptism for about 8 months and now someone who we have been working really hard with for several months and who I grown to love so much and who said he didn't think he would ever be baptized is not only getting baptized this Saturday but is excited and is inviting everyone!

This last week my intercambio was in Zaragoza which means guess who I got to see!!!! Hermana Noakes! She is doing great and is really working hard. My companion for the day was Hermana Dorgia from Italy. She is amazing and we had an absolute blast. She taught me how to say a few things in Italian, how to pronounce the letters as I was trying to read the Book of Mormon, and we made two different types of pasta: one for lunch and the other for a cultural activity. It was the greatest! She is such a hard worker and it made me so excited for the direction this mission is going (she is still in her training).

Yesterday we had a visit set up with a women who has canceled on us three times. During church she called us again to tell us that she had to move the visit but she moved it to later that night so "menos mal" but we knew that if she cancelled again we had to stop trying for a little while. We invited Nair (the less active woman who is coming back to church that I have mentioned before as an absolute miracle) and the visit was AMAZING!!! Nair teared up as she testified of the spirit she could feel when she walked in and then Mireya said that she felt the same way that she had someone begging her to come over and when she said no that she had a visit with us and that she wasn't going to cancel it again her friend kind of teased her about it and said you're not really going to meet with them are you but she said she felt something tell her so clearly that she needed to open the door. She said in the past she has always bailed out on the missionaries but she said, I think God is telling me that now is my time. At the end she asked if we believe in life after death and when we said yes she said do you believe we can be with the people we love forever and when we said yes she began to tear up and said that's exactly what I want.

Speaking of families being forever this last week we went to visit a woman in the hospital who is older and was just in that waiting period. All of her organs were shutting down, she could only move her eyes but her eyelids were almost entirely closed. When we visited, her daughter who is a less active asked us to sing her favorite hymns, How Great Thou Art and I Know That My Redeemer Lives, when we did that the daughter, she, her mother in law (non member, Spaniard), her father (non member, brazilian), and even her mother began to cry. It was such a powerful moment. I wish I could tell you all of the spiritual experiences that we had with her and that the elders had with her but I'll have to tell you when I have more time and space one great thing was that she was given a little strength at the end and despite everything she was able to remember what church she belonged to, who her savior is, and told her husband to listen to the missionaries, to be baptized, and to return to the temple in a year so that they could be sealed together and he said yes. It was beautiful. She passed away last night, we showed up to the hospital to visit very shortly after which we were grateful for because we were able to comfort a little then this morning we went with the elders to the ambulatory (??? I don't know in english...the funeral place... ish?) help them get everything ready for the viewing. Tomorrow we will go to the funeral. It has really helped me to appreciate my family and my life and time and the plan of God and everything.

Well I have to go but I love you all so much!

Hermana Tuttle

P.S. I don't have any pictures from this week so I will just send this one from when we went to the Barç stadium. This is me and Messi being mad about the world cup finals. (I didn't really care who won but I didn't have any pictures with german players)

Intercambio, Fabiola, Amable

Dear everyone,

Okay so three things for this week:

Intercambio to Martorell: This week I went to Martorell, a town outside of Barcelona about an hour and a half away from Sabadell. It was beautiful but wildly hot! I got to work with Hermana Gillette and Hermana Stott (who is brand new). They pointed out that apart from one hermana I am the next one to go home (along with Hermana Benson) so I am now what we in Spain call...OLD. It was so weird to think about that because I still feel so new and I feel like everyday I am still learning so much especially on intercambios. Here I was working with two relatively young missionaries and learning so much from them. It made me realize what a bright future this mission has, we are seeing miracles everyday and I'm sure that is happening in every part of the world. I feel so blessed to be a missionary and I sometimes just wish I could stay here forever, I don't want to miss out on all of this growth but I am so glad I am getting this opportunity and I know that I have still have a lot of miracles left despite being "old."

Amable: I'm going to go a little out of order. This story is to be continued, so just a heads up I'm going to keep it short. We always see this homeless man named Amable on the streets. I don't remember if I have already mentioned it but he has stopped by to listen when we have street lessons with other people so the other day we started talking to him. He doesn't ask for help from anyone which really sparked my attention anyway long story short we have found him a place to shower, found him clothes, an elder is going to cut his air and he has agreed to come to church this week. I'll keep you posted.

Okay now for the miracle: So remember how I told you about Fabiola. She and her husband have been less active for 15 years. We started helping her to read a couple of months ago and her testimony of the Book of Mormon has become so strong and I think I told wrote earlier about how she said even if she only gets one vacation day all of next year she wants it to be a Sunday. Well last thursday she and her husband Cesar came to the activity we have every week and they ran into so many old friends that they said they would for sure come on Sunday even if they could only come for a little bit because of Fabiola's job. On Sunday when we saw them on the bus Fabiola told me she had a miracle to tell me. Someone called the other day offering her another job, a better job and where she doesn't work Sundays. I don't know what the unemployment rate for Spain is right now but this "crisis" has rocked the country and no one can find work so to have someone just call you up when you weren't even in the market offering a job is nothing short of MIRACULOUS. She called her boss and her boss respected her decision because it was for her religious beliefs. I started tearing up and was speechless. I still am. What a blessing from God.

I love you all so much. I am still seeing miracles every single day. I hope you are too.

Hermana Tuttle